Stripped down

Most days we live in our comfort. We live in the place that keeps us feeling safe. Questions arise when we are in a place of risk or fear. We are told it's almost "natural" to be afraid when we are placed in weakened situations, locations or relationships. That place of weakness, where we feel the impact of personal pain against our "comfort" world.. We almost strive to run from it.

But the life we have here on earth is not to be spent running from pain. Jesus said of the person seeking Kingdom life, that "he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Mark 8:34) . He even said that anyone who does not do that cannot be a disciple of Jesus (Luke 14:27) . Pain, struggle, bearing the suffering assigned to you, and self denial are part of not only the necessary walk for Christ followers, it is the prescribed path for His disciples.

This isn't the kind of thing where we just wait for bad stuff to happen and then call it, our "cross" to bear. The entire language of Jesus statement is a call to personal ownership in suffering. Suffering is a call, not a repercussion, of your Christian walk. Every portion of the Mark 8 quote is an invocation for the hearer to take action-

• "he must" - being a disciple means you do not have a choice. You must consider, accept, prepare, plan, receive and walk into the suffering Christ calls you to. No man can call you to suffer for Christ, just as no man could assign Jesus his duties on the cross of Calvary. Only God himself can call you towards what He knows to be both painful and perfect for your life and His glory.
• "deny himself" - in taking up Christ's sufferings, you can only do so when you make room out of your own "self" life. To make room for transformation, or even simple obedience to Him, there are things that must be set aside. Your comfort, your wishes, your preferences, your time, your money, your goals, your life. Anything that begins with "your" or "my" must be on the table when we think of denial. If we look at our lives and find something we could not believe we have strength to let go of- those things look like a shining targets to a jealous God. He loves you passionately.
• "take up his cross" - removing things that are "ours" is not the only active movement to be made in our journey. We must move into the sufferings assigned for us. What has Jesus himself ordained for your discipleship, your life. Advance towards them, don't wait for them to drop on you. "Take up" your cross, don't wait for it to crash down on you.
• "follow me" - the journey of self-denial and taking up the cross assigned to us is only possible as we "fix our eyes on Jesus". The writer of Hebrews correctly understood the absolute dependence on having a vision of Christ. The hope and real assurance of following a real God, Jesus, not an arbitrary cosmic master. He understood that following Jesus had to do with both being set on him as our ultimate goal and enduring through the cross assigned to each of us on the journey there.

Hebrews 12 is a clear synopsis for the tension that holds together a life of joy and suffering in the same person following a faithful God:

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)

As a follower, Mark 8:34 is one of the most difficult and hard sayings for me to live. Living is not just understanding and accepting and waiting. Living is pursuing and engaging. We don't "create" our cross or "make" trouble, but we are called to pursue the cross Christ assigns to us.

One of my favorite new songs is called "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle. When I get a chance, I will post a link to a audio sample of the song. It speaks well of this paradox of joy and pain at the cross.

His life!
Kim

Back In The Day...

(my official computer geek picture).

It's funny.. People are funny. And that is cool. Some folks were asking why I chose to have a blog where I moderate the posts, so I figure a little explanation is in order. (Update, Nov 19, 2006: this has actually now changed. I don't moderate posts to the blog any longer. People can now post responses at will, though I do quality checks on posted content after the fact to make sure people are not putting junk in the blog.)

Back in the day... It was 1993. I was working in a big company with techno-job doing coolish fun stuff for a geek like me. Said company just opened up the network of our local systems so that we could email folks outside the company. I ventured out and started contacting folks as far as I could, for no particular reason, other than to see what this all meant. No one even was talking about anything called the internet. It was the word people used, sure, but it wasn't like it was sexy or cool or hip. It was just some collective bundle of wires that some company's had risked to get out and connect up with, along with the ironclad government/defense systems that were already linked in, and the willy-nilly universities and colleges that where trying to share information. I mean people thought, yah, this might be useful to share files, maybe do some electronic mail and stuff. There was FTP, something called golpher, email, Usenet, bitnet, and just a touch of WWW. The official definition of the W3C (what would define the HTML language for webpages) was still being written. The first version of Mosaic (precursor to Netscape) had been released by NCSA's Marc Andreessen. There were literally only 200 or so known reliable webservers online at the time. By March, 1994 Marc Andreessen left NCSA and started Mosaic Communications Corp" (later Netscape).

During 1994, we got interested in bringing a group together to help worship leaders with worship related stuff.. I tried to get it going in newsgroups, but that ultimately failed (see newsgroup posting here). Eventually, I found a friend at University of Colorado and we started the worship list. Soon he left or something (never found out what) and I had a list of email addresses with no server host for an email discussion group. Through yet another friend, I found a home at the UIUC (university of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign) for the worship list. After university bandwidths continued to struggle, we moved it to a Christian non-profit called www.grmi.org, and eventually ended up hosting it ourselves through www.praise.net. This trek was all about communications, email specifically. The discussion group grew into several hundred and people would yak about everything worship. Mostly. We also participated online through newsgroups at news:rec.music.christian which would barely pass for being PG-13 on most days.

Sometime in 1995, myself and a few others started a webpage for worship that linked in the worship list email discussion group and became a landing spot for the worship FAQ (a e-database of info that I had originally developed in Filemaker pro on a Mac). A couple friends I found online (Jon Ried & Brad Donison) took my text flat file and converted the data into useful stuff on the web (using CGI/Perl). It was all getting quite hideous in size, but we had many people who wanted to help, so there was a lot of people involved in putting the web site, FAQ and discussion group to use. By this time we discovered free flow communications is great for stirring conversations, but not good at helping the content to either be focused or necessarily helpful/encouraging. We implemented moderators on the Worship List in about 1996, and that model has been running now for 10 years on that list. It is the first and longest running list on Worship, and in my mind still remains the most helpful to people/leaders conversing and supporting one another in worship ministry.

By 1997, I had been on email and news discussion for 3 years and realized that there were a few universal truths about e-conversations:

• people like to talk
• people want relationships
• the internet is a place where people can have relationships without responsibility
• people often use the internet as a place where they can talk/take relationship without being responsible for their words.

This is why we put moderation in the Worship List discussion group the year before, and why so much junk mail, newsgroups and forums are practically useless even to this day. The e-world is much different than the real life world. In real life, if you speak something to someone, you are physically present to encounter the response. In e-life, you can spout off what you want, and even if people would like to know who you are, you can hide. That is not conversation. I think talking without "owning" your words is gossip at best and possibly even abuse when taken to the extreme. If you care enough to speak, chat or whatever, it only means something real if you back up the words with a person, a being, a friend, a colleague. Further, no one cares who says anything if they aren't big enough to own up to saying it.

Back in the day (1997)... is when I started publishing a column called the "Worship Thought". It was just quotes at first, but quickly became a bit of a binary log of my thoughts ( http://www.praise.net/quote/index.php?q=classic ). Yep, a blog before blogs where cool. People would often respond to the content of the columns, but in the context of a the moderated discussion of the worship list (archives began in 1997 for the list, which you can find here http://www.fni.com/worship/). Some times people would email me privately in disdain or approval or just "yo.. makes me think".

By early 1998, I was involved in starting up a number of worship related resource sites, including one that became my full time job (Worshipmusic.com). In the context of that, I managed to write several editorial columns over the years (though not as much lately). From time to time, we experimented with forums, chat rooms, other discussion lists, web sites and more. What we found was that people will say what they want on the internet if they aren't given some "netiquette" thoughts to help frame the conversation. As soon as people felt they needed to be responsible with their words they either began being helpful to one another and conversing in a way that removed slander and gossip, or they left the discussion in hopes of "freer" realms. This didn't mean things didn't get heated or people not opinionated or subjects controversial. Far from it. It meant we allowed our speech online to become what we knew it should offline.. That is, to be salt and light, instead of angst and irresponsible spew.

Back in the day.... ya, back in the day... its a good thing the internet is so much more advanced now and you don't have to worry about people spouting spew anymore online... that's a relief... I don't think free speech has evolved much with the internet.. for those who didn't have a voice, it is certainly a possible vehicle.. But its doubtful that any of the forefathers of America ever envisioned free speech without the personal responsibility from the speaker (owning his words).. They had to own their words of declaration, speaking against the powers of their time, forging the constitution, negotiating our lands, pursing a system of justice for all... They owned their words, and it is on whose ownership we owe our freedom...

So you can spout all you want... If its worthwhile, someone might listen... If you don't own up and choose to be anonymous, its words from darkness... If you stand and speak into the community's you live in, with words that reflect your life, people will not only listen.. They may follow...

Kim

Normalizing Life

Starting a discussion, how does that happen? Well, first you have to meet someone. Then you have to risk it. Risk what? Risk you. Risk opening your big mouth to find out if what you say matters. Not just to the person you are talking to, but to anyone. Most of all, does it even matter to you. If you are saying things that don't even matter to you, you aren't being honest with your conversation, I always say. Least of all, don't start off talking about nothing, when you really care about something.

One of the most important things I can think to talk about is life. I mean the human life. And how it works. How you work. How I work. What we do and why. As a professional in the analytically field of systems and computers, I have always been asked to reduce very human problems into definable conditions into which computer solutions could be applied for resolution. When I began to do that, I found it was remarkably straightforward, both in its science and in its application. I soon began to "take my work home" and began analyzing people outside of the realm of systems analysis in the business world. I began normalizing people into common sets of data, relationships and attributes.

Since then, much of my life has been viewed through the lens of normalization into the human world, afar removed from business, and entrenched in the nitty gritty of what is actually living- how we think, how we act, and how we connect. On the otherside of my brain is the dark and mysterious artist. Create music, invent things, look for God-life on earth, trying to break out, as it is in heaven.

That's a little something to start with. Not much, but at least it's something that matters in this mind. I'm sure its bad to use the words "I" and "my" so much, but you're in Kim's blog here, so at least let me get it out of my system.

Post your yak, I may let it stay. May not. It's up to both sides of my personality.